3 ways to stop feeling stuck

Feeling stuck in life?

We’ve all been there – stuck in the wrong job, the wrong relationship, the wrong lifestyle. We know it’s not right, but for some reason we put up with it anyway. In this post I’ll be introducing you to some of the key reasons why people stay stuck in life, and how you can choose, right now, to overcome them.

We always begin things with good intentions, don’t we? The excitement of a new relationship, the pride of getting a new job, or maybe the domestic pleasure of setting up a new home and managing it for yourself just the way you like. We rarely start things like this without enthusiasm and motivation, but what happens when days, weeks, months or years down the line you find yourself realising something’s not all it’s cracked up to be?

579286_51266544It could be a job that used to be stimulating but is now monotonous. You used to enjoy work but now you find that you spend more and more time surfing the internet and feeling guilty about it, resenting your boss, maybe even feeling stressed and overworked while still feeling unchallenged. Yeh sure, you could leave, but the job pays the bills and who’s to say you’d find anything better, right?

Or it could be a relationship that you just know isn’t good for you. Perhaps your partner is killing your confidence, making you turn inwards for comfort. Maybe you love each other but your lives are just headed in different directions. Maybe you don’t love your partner anymore but it’s what you’re used to, and that’s a whole lot easier than rocking the boat, isn’t it?

Maybe your feeling overwhelmed – you spend so much time keeping everything else going that you have no ‘me’ time anymore. You can’t remember the carefree, happy person you used to be. But, surely, everyone’s in the same boat? That’s just part of being a busy working adult, isn’t it?

The trouble is that, when we’re stuck, when life is not how we want it to be, if something is not what we’d hoped, or when we’ve gained all we can from something and it’s time to move on, we’re not always able to admit it.

However, there are three key things that can help you move forwards out of whatever rut you’re in. Follow these and you too can make the choice to step out of your personal cage.

Woah…. choice?

Yep, choice.

1. Acknowledge that you are in this situation by choice

The first step to moving forwards is recognising that your own choices have led you here, and your continuing choices keep you here. We’re all adults. For example, there is no one pointing a gun to our heads and forcing us to go to work every day. Yes, you need to pay the bills, but no one is making you pay those bills by doing this job. There are lots of different ways that people earn money, you have chosen and continue to choose this one. The great news here is that just as you’ve chosen this job, when the time is right you can, if you wish, decide to take another path. You are in control of your life; your life does not control you.

You are in control of your life; your life does not control you.

Often we choose to put up with a situation because it’s easier than going to all the effort of making a change. We’re afraid that the alternatives won’t be much better, so we may as well stick with something we know is not great, because we could end up getting ourselves into something much worse. Yes, it’s a possibility. But the trouble with this train of thought is that through not acting to make things better, we sleepwalk into a life that is at best ok, and at worst uncomfortable or even downright awful, rather than a life that is brilliant. Ask yourself – are you ok with being just ok? Do you want more? What is it costing you to not pursue your dreams?

961763_97196068It’s ok to be scared. The thought of change is scary – it wouldn’t be challenging if it were easy! Understand that fear sometimes dictates what we do, even if we don’t realise it. Ask yourself what you would do if you had no fear in life; what would you do if fear no longer held you back or was an obstacle to you achieving everything you’ve ever wanted. What dreams would you choose to make a reality?

Choosing to end or leave a situation is something only you can decide for yourself, and it’s certainly not the only option; if you can overcome the fear of the unknown, the fear of ‘rocking the boat’, you may even find the courage and motivation to improve or enhance your current situation so that it serves you better.

For example, if your job sucks, you have three choices: put up with it, leave it for something else, or set about improving it. You could ask for new responsibilities; put yourself forward for a promotion; ask your boss to let you attend some additional training and gain new skills that will help towards a feeling of engagement and fulfillment; you could seek to strengthen your relationships with colleagues.

Similarly it takes courage to address a failing relationship: you can put up with it, you can leave, or you can set about improving it (if, of course, your partner is willing). And having a busy and demanding family life doesn’t have to mean that you always put yourself last; yes, that housework is important, but you can choose to plan time, even if it’s just the odd fifteen minutes, for yourself.

Many people give up their sense of agency and choice by assuming that they’re in a situation because that is what they ‘should’ be doing. Here’s something you could do right now: change your ‘shoulds’ to ‘coulds’. Read more about this simple and liberating change that you can make right now in A simple word that just might change your life.

2. Raise your standards

179972_1579When you were little, did you dream of being slightly uncomfortable with life, or of putting up with things being not quite right? Of course not! Little children dream big. They’re going to be firemen, racing into danger to conquer flames and rescue people. Or perhaps astronauts, walking on the moon and piloting rockets.

Children don’t imagine mediocre futures; they imagine things that excite them and fill them with joy.  I know this: I wanted to be a dolphin trainer, and later an acrobat. I longed to fly freely on a trapeze! It’s true I’m neither of those things now, but I’ve held on to that wish to live with passion and purpose and I still use this as a yardstick to tell when things are not going so well.

Are you ok with just being ok? Have you grown comfortable with being uncomfortable? Is ‘good enough’ good enough for you?

How would you feel about your life if you raised the bar, if you decided that being just ok no longer met the new and higher standard that you apply to your whole life? What would need work?

Are you ok with just being ok? Have you grown comfortable with being uncomfortable? Is ‘good enough’ good enough for you?

3. Decide to take action

1079363_26838634When you know what you need to work on, make a commitment to yourself that you will change things. Just making a decision is a huge declaration to yourself and to the universe that you are ready for better. You don’t have to know how you are going to do it, that can come a little later, but decide now that you are worthy of a brilliant life that is everything you hope for. And yes, you are worthy!

Coaching, if you feel it’s right for you, is a great way to analyse what’s working and not working for you, in all areas of your life; you’ll discover how you really want things to be and you will take actions that you have decided upon that is carefully planned to bring you closer to your dreams. You’ll learn what’s most important to you, what’s going well and what’s really missing.

Coaching will give you an achievable, challenging and inspiring goal, and your coach will work with you side by side to ensure that you achieve it. Coaching has astonishing results and it’s based on actions that are rooted in you being true to yourself, something that’s easy to lose when you’ve been stuck for a while. Through these actions you will put forth new shoots and step forwards.

 Make a commitment to yourself that you will change things for the better.

If you’d like to talk about the possibilities and start taking steps towards your brilliant life, please get in touch with New Shoots Coaching for a free, no-obligation discussion.


Featured image © Belovodchenko Anton, courtesy of sxc.hu

Points 2 and 3 based on steps from Tony Robbins life changing bestseller – Awaken the Giant Within, available to buy from all good booksellers.


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